Romanticizing the Field

In less than a month, in fact, to be specific, June 26th, I am scheduled to travel halfway around the world with only a few bags, land in Africa, and begin a journey so far out of my comfort zone that a blog post seems comical in expressing it. I will have had almost a year to plan, pray and prepare for what lies ahead. Yet, to be honest with you, I couldn't feel more unprepared. Let me be clear before I proceed, I know God is my strength, my refuge, a very present help, and will never leave nor forsake me. I will not back down, give up, turn back or any other profound phrase I can conjure up. But, I am human. A friend reminded me last night that to not have fear would be supernatural and God uses the natural (that would be me) to do the supernatural.

I am a fixer. Problem equals fix. There's always a solution, right? Perhaps that may be true on some level, whether that be a literal or a spiritual fix. However, it can also be unhealthy and I freely and publicly admit it. Some things don't require fixing, they don't involve quick solutions, they require time spent with God, as well as discipline; disciplines of transforming our minds and hearts from old to new. So, to remove my fear simply by saying, take my fear, and believe it is gone and will not return, is not a real solution. As I was also reminded last night by my gracious friend, we can look at our bag of problems, fears, etc., and say "Jesus, take this," but often He says, no, let's take it together. Could He take it? Absolutely. But the process of refining, taking out our trash, is more important in the long run, and He is far more interested in our holiness than He is our happiness. Some see that as harsh. To be sure, I don't take pleasure in the fiery furnace. However, I know many parents and have listened to them say, time and again, it is better to allow your child to fail and learn from their failures, than to fix it yourself. God is no different. He invented parenting.

With the days winding down, I often hear "I am so excited for you!" "You must be so thrilled!" "It is going to be amazing!" Truth? While I love God with all of my heart and soul, while I love the people of Africa, while my deepest desires surround the Gospel and making a difference in the lives of those in desperate circumstances, I am not excited. Why? Consider a soldier during World War I, II, or any other battle throughout our history. In the days before he was to leave, upon hearing "you must be excited," how do you think he would have responded? No, I am not excited. My heart is heavy, very. My heart is broken, because I know, as much as one can know, there is nothing exciting about a soldier heading out to war and equally there is nothing romantic about the mission field. There is nothing romantic about about seeing children sleep huddled up in the corners and crevices of some of the filthiest and darkest of places. There is nothing exciting about disease, starvation and death that could be alleviated with just a few dollars. There is absolutely nothing beautiful about girls being sold into prostitution and slavery before they can form sentences or even hit puberty. Nothing romantic at all. But, I believe there is hope.

While I don't pretend to understand how soldiers feel having walked in some of the most grueling battlefields of past wars, I believe they saw their purpose, just as I see a purpose in what I am about to do. I am trying as best as any soldier, to prepare for the battle that lies ahead. Where I lack in excitement, I make up in faith, and that is what it is all about for us who Believe, faith. I have faith that we can, by the grace and only by the grace of God, make a difference in this world. I have faith that my God had some reason for choosing someone as unlikely as me, to be a part of what He is doing in Africa. Above all and most importantly, as a woman of faith, I believe that the death of Jesus was and will always be, more than enough reason for me to go. So, with my face planted on the ground, my heart set on things above, I am facing my fears, and trusting that He who has said "go... and I will be with you always and til the end of age (Matthew 28: 19-20, paraphrased) will guide my every step. With that in mind, I can breathe a sigh of relief.

Through Their Eyes

In an age where information is literally everywhere, on the internet, Facebook, Twitter, Television, pretty much anywhere you can turn your head, the only privacy one has left is in their own head. Which, if I am being completely honest, is where I like to keep it. I have often heard from people that I don't post enough Blogs, FB status's or tweets about personal things, just scriptures and quotes. What can I say, I'm a words person, it's one of my two love languages. Words, scriptures, quotes, they encourage and inspire me, so I share what touches me; I like sharing them with others, in the hopes (not expectation) they might encourage others. Transparency is important to me, particularly in my walk with God, so there is nothing I won't share if I am asked, but if I am true to myself, I just won't always put it on the internet. 


This post however, is definitely transparent. It has taken months to write and countless conversations from my friends and loved ones.


God placed something on my heart, heavily, on my last mission trip to Africa. At first it was sort of a subtle whisper, in fact I could barely hear it despite my desperation in understanding why I was feeling this deep pull. At first I just began to pray, asking God, "why did you bring me here," and "what could I possibly do to make a difference?" As time passed, this "heavy" feeling kept weighing on me until I couldn't ignore it any longer. Then, God began dropping His mountain-sized hints, in some of the craziest ways. Honestly, I'm not sure how Moses kept his wits about him standing before a burning bush. I, myself, was spectacularly less calm and composed. At first I ignored, then I denied calling it "crazy" and finally, I threw in the towel. He's God. I'm just a girl. He has me beat by a HUGE technicality. So I threw crazy out of my vocabulary, began praying intently, and waited for God to move. Well, He moved.


I have always been drawn to stories, particularly true, real-life stories. Stories of struggle, joy, more so, triumph. In all my experiences, it has always been people's stories that have had the most impact on others.  So, when I looked into the eyes of the children in Africa, when I heard their stories, they impacted me greatly and I wanted to know more, and more importantly I wanted to share them with others. I feel we live in a world numb to statistics. I can tell you that there are 147,000,000 orphans, or that some 27,000 children die every day of starvation, or even 100,000 people live in an area of Eastern Africa where they search through a local trash dump for food and scraps to sell. But, if I show you a picture, tell you one particular child's story, it has a deeper impact; it's personal. I believe that is exactly what God wants, for them to be as personal to us as they are to Him. With that in mind, He has given me the idea to create a ministry called ThroughTheirEyes, with the vision that every face has a name, every name has a story, and every story has an impact. I will start in Ethiopia and perhaps some surrounding East African countries. 

In this new chapter of ministry/life God has called me to, the ministry and vision that God has given me has been adopted by the Board of Directors of a new non-profit missionary sending organization called Project World Mission (their website is under construction). This means I will be employed through Project World Mission and they will send and support me as a missionary to Africa! Project World Mission’s vision is to “Preach the Gospel, Of the Kingdom, To the World (Matthew 24:14).”

The Project World Mission ministry project that will be started in Africa will be the ministry and calling God placed on my life, called ThroughTheirEyes. In keeping with the vision statement of Project World Mission, the ministry project ThroughTheirEyes will seek to first and foremost proclaim the Gospel of Jesus to those in Ethiopia and the surrounding countries. In addition to this primary vision, the 6 to 12 month overseas assignment will also seek to develop other ministry partnerships by working alongside existing churches or orphanages, and/or working with other like-minded Christ-Followers in the area. In short, the focus will be on building relationships and potential future ministry partners, as well as telling the story of the people of Ethiopia/Africa to the body of Christ here in the United States. I trust that this will in turn result in advancing the gospel of God’s love to the Ethiopian people and surrounding areas. With God the possibilities of ministry are endless, and I look forward to what we can and will do with this international assignment.

I feel completely inadequate, but repeat (and quite frequently I might add) the first scripture that came to mind when God put this on my heart: For consider your calling, brothers, not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong, 1 Corinthians 1:26-28. 

I'm a little scared too, if I am being honest. It's a faith-journey like none other for me, leaving home, fundraising and trusting every need for this calling will be met, but more important than my fleshly fears, I want to help. I want to make a difference. I want to be challenged and more than this "I " focus, want for THEM to know the love of Christ. I want for others to know the incredible grace that we as believers have been given. I want children who are orphaned to know His love, to have food in His name, to have clothes, medical care, and education, in His name. And this Hope, I deeply desire for everyone to know, has no price tag with which I can put on it. 

I don't have everything figured out, I don't know every step I will take, but this journey is about faith. I don't have to see, I just have to trust. And, God, I trust You.

I simply ask for encouragement and prayers through this journey, as I know this won't be easy. To quote Bethany Hamilton in Soul Surfer, "I don't need easy, I just need possible." There are a lot of unknowns in this, but one incredibly amazing, beautiful, known..with God, all things are possible. Matthew 9:26

Why Africa?

It is not uncommon for people to ask why you go on short term mission trips. It's not even uncommon for people to snarl or crinkle their nose and say things like "what about the people in the US who have needs" or "why not just send them money" or my personal all-time favorite "I think it's awesome that you do that, I could never do that." It is my favorite because prior to my first trip, I thought the same way, only I thought I would NEVER do that-not that I couldn't. I don't say that from a critical spirit, and while I can understand where those questions come from, recently someone flat out asked me "why Africa?" This one was different. This one struck a cord with  me and quite frankly, I wanted to know why also. At the time, I brushed it off and didn't think much about it, until one restless, non-sleep filled night, as I laid in bed, tossing and turning, frustrated that I couldn't hit the off button on my mind and send myself into deep sleep, the question popped into my head "why Africa?" What is it about this place that keeps your heart and mind so consumed? So, I started pondering that question in the early hours of the morning..and this is what I came up with.


There are a hundreds of places, literally, that are in desperate need and some of them are as close as your own backyard, while some are as far around the world as one could travel. I didn't pick up a globe one day, spin it around, and plant my finger on the first place it stopped. I didn't drop a few countries in a hat and select it bingo style. I've traveled and done mission work in other countries and my love for them is no different than my love for the people of Africa; anymore than my love for any of Gods people is or should be. While I can remember always having a certain intrigue and interest in Africa, the truth is, I didn't choose Africa, Africa choose me, and long before I ever stepped foot on its soil. The politically correct Christian-ese answer might be "I believe God gives us all, individually, particular inclinations towards certain things." And while I absolutely believe that is true, that is not what draws me back time and again to Africa.


The people, the children-I think they they took one look at me, and they knew. They knew I would never be able to shake the red dirt off my feet. They knew that the sound of the African drum would forever resound in my mind. They knew I would look deep into their beautiful charcoal eyes and see beauty, wonder and hope. They knew I would gaze at the smiles of countless orphans and I would see myself. And that when I did, I would never be able to turn my eyes back toward a life that was dead-set on self-fulfilling motives.


Even with those realizations, I kept thinking and searching my heart for something a little more deep, tying my heart to Africa. As I continued to toss and turn, it came to me. Despite the amount of suffering and need that I have been witness to, I see a joy that far surpasses anything you can begin to imagine. While in some places they have grave need, absolutely, and no one would deny that, they find contentment in the simplest of things. They do not measure life in terms of what they do or don't have, but rather give thanks for their daily bread. And most often, in their case, it truly is just their daily bread


One of the things I cherish most about the people of Africa is their abundant generosity. A bracelet, a shirt, a meal, their last chicken, they would give it all to you, just to show you honor and thank you for being a part of their lives. Western visitors innately want to refuse gifts, because deep down you know it may be the only possession they own, but you don't, you shouldn't, because it would shatter them. To them, giving isn't a mathematical equation. There's no 10% calculation, no -let me fetch some old clothes, toys or leftovers for you, or let me see what I have left. No, to them, it is the way of their heart. Give first, think second.  They have shown me what it means to truly live sacrificially and that there is nothing on this earth more valuable than serving each other humbly.


More so, I cherish their uncanny ability to face the gravest of circumstances with a smile that could melt the polar ice caps and a hug, that could warm the hardest of hearts. And when they worship God, they REALLY worship God, as if He really is God and not a cosmic magician, or lamp-rubbing genie. Their faith is strong because God truly is all they have to look to, they are not clouded by possessions or distractions. They teach me so much more than I think I could ever teach them, and words cannot do justice to the amount of love and respect I have for them...


No, I didn't choose Africa. Africa choose me.